Friday, December 3, 2010

Rest In Peace Grandma Bunny

Wednesday morning I got the call. The call I knew was coming. The call I was dreading. The call that my beloved Grandmother had passed. Fondly referred to as Grandma Bunny. I think I'm ok though. I mean not ok ok, not normal I am sad, very very sad. My heart is broken. I miss her so so much. But she was in so much pain the past couple months and it broke my heart each time I saw her little face wrench. It broke my heart to see her slipping away.

I know that she is in Heaven now, resting peacefully, and watching from above. I know that she is an angel watching over me and our family. I especially know she is watching the babes. She loved them so much. Even in the end when she didn't remember their names she continued to ask for them to come and visit. When she was healthier she would go to bingo at her assisted living home and win them beanie babies so they'd have something to play with when they came to visit.

My Grandmother was an EXTREMELY creative person. Which in turn led to my Dad being so amazingly creative. Therefore forcing me to be creative in some way or another. I see alot of my Grandmother in myself. She was an incredible artist working in mediums such as paint, drawing, sewing, quilting, sculpting, etc. the list truly goes on and on. She taught me to sew when I spent the summer with her. We made this adorable Winnie the Pooh pillow. It was a picture of Pooh appliqued onto a cloud fabric and made into a pillow. It was adorable and I promptly lost it on the flight home. I had to only have been about 11.

I now see a lot of my Grandmother in Hailey. She is incredibly creative and truly amazes me with her drawings, colorings, ability to read people, and general intuitiveness (is that a word?!). Belle is a bit young to recognize any of these things but she too loved her Great Grandma Bunny. Towards the end we would visit and Belle would crawl in bed with her and just lay. Not move, not wiggle, not babble, not irritate, not laugh, just lay. Very unusual. Very unusual indeed. In hind sight I wonder if she understood. I wonder if she knew Grandma was close to the end? Hailey was unusually intuitive about the entire situation as well. One day as we were walking in she says to me, "Mommy is this where people come to die." It hit me like a ton of bricks, I didn't know how to respond. I told her something along the lines of when people get older they need help with things. Like when your kids you need your Mommy to fix you meals, clean your room, and remind you of things that need to be taken care of. She understood why Grandma needed me there. I would comb her hair, put lotion on her hands, chapstick on her lips, and hold her hand for countless hours while she slept. Things that a Momma would do. I will never forget her asking me that. I dont know if she understands death and dyeing. Obviously not because when I told her Great Grandma passed she said she wanted to go to Heaven as well. I told her absolutely not!

Grandma as I remember her. So full of life always smiling and beautiful!
So I am taking a bit of time to gather myself. I know that she would want me to continue to be creative, which I will eventually do. But it seems like every time I start to do something I am grief stricken, the tears come and I have to stop. Obviously since it took me 3 full days to get all of this written...

Love and Hugs,


barneyn said...

i am so sorry for your loss :( how hard it is to loose your beloved grandma............

Kitschalicious said...

Oh no! I am so sorry for your loss! May the Lord bring you peace during this difficult time!